you found me.

spring breeeaak.

2006-03-15T01:16:08Z

wow, it's been like.. a really long time since i've updated. my bad. i guess that things are just normal. school is so crazy this semester, and it's really hard. i'm seriously surprised that i'm not failing all of my classes. yay for doing homework. :] my eight month anniversary is coming up soon, so that's exciting. we probably won't do anything, however.. seeing as.. well, we never do, lol. we're lazy bums. our night always consists of eating some type of junk food and watching CSI together, then falling asleep at 9:30. we're such old people, haha. but i love him mucho!

spring break kicks major butt! everyone hung out today.. went out to breakfast then went over to the mall. :] pacsun has reallllly cute bathing suits, just so you know. aaand, now i'm bored. so bye.

sucksucksuck.

2006-02-08T03:33:22Z

i really suck at life right now.
i'm so stressed, and i know i'm going to make myself sick soon.

school's a bitch.
and it should die.

but i love chris,
cause our 6 month anniversary was on the 2nd.
and i got a promise ring..

he went to jared. :]

but i still suck.

&& now i'm going to go mediate, cause i think that's good for you.
is it?

happy happy birthday.

2006-01-17T02:03:37Z

yaaaaay! happy birthday to me. :D

suck ass.

2006-01-11T02:17:16Z

yeah, so im not looking forward to my birthday.. at all. its on monday, and we have it off. so im scared that im just going to be sitting alone at home on my birthday, and only get like, 2 text messages that say, "happy birthday." ugggh.. it makes me want to cry to even think about it.

this birthday is gonna suck.

losing it. :D

2006-01-08T06:51:02Z

sooo.. break is pretty much over. it was fun, but school is starting again, and i'm determined to gain back my focus and get everything DONE that needs to be.

i want to lose 15-20 pounds by mid-end of february. i'm going to work out at the gym, eat healthy, maybe even walk home from school. i really want to be able to feel good about myself, and not have to worry about what i look like. so, yeah. hopefully i can achieve it. i'm going to try SO HARD. :D

my birthday is in 8 days!! i'm excited! :D it's on january 16th, for anyone who wants to know.. *cough* :D alright, well quick update, but not much to say!

break time.

2006-01-05T22:19:00Z

NO EXPLANATIONS
100 Yes's or 100 No's
You can only say yes or no.
You are not allowed to explain anything.

1. Taken a picture naked? Yes.
2. Painted your room? Yes.
3. Kissed a member of the same sex? Yes.
4. Driven a car? Yes.
5. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes.
6. Have a crush? Yes.
7. Been dumped? Yes.
8. Stole money from a friend? No.
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No.
10. Been in a fist fight? No.
11. Snuck out of your house? Yes.
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes.
13. Been arrested? No.
14. Made out with a stranger? No.
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes.
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes.
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? No.
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes.
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes.
20. Seen someone die? Yes.
21. Been on a plane? Yes.
22. Kissed a picture? Yes.
23. Slept in until 3? Yes.
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes.
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes.
26. Made a snow angel? Yes.
27. Played dress up? Yes.
28. Cheated while playing a game? Yes.
29. Been lonely? Yes.
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes.
31. Been to a club? No.
32. Felt an earthquake? No.
33. Touched a snake? Yes.
34. Ran a red light? Yes.
35. Been suspended from school? No.
36. Had detention? No.
37. Been in a car accident? Yes.
38. Hated the way you look? Yes.
39. Witnessed a crime? No.
40. Pole danced? Yes.
41. Been lost? Yes.
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yes.
43. Felt like dying? Yes.
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes.
46. Sang karaoke? Yes.
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes.
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes.
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.
50. Kissed in the rain? Yes.
51. Sang in the shower? Yes.
52. Made out in a movie theater? Yes.
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes.
54. Glued your hand to something? Yes.
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No.
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No.
57. Been a cheerleader? No.
58. Sat on a roof top? Yes.
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? No.
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? Yes.
61. Played chicken? Yes.
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes.
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes.
64. Broken a bone? Yes.
65. Been easily amused? Yes.
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes.
67. Mooned/flashed someone? Yes.
68. Cheated on a test? Yes.
69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes.
70. Slept naked? Yes.
73. Blacked out from drinking? No.
74. Played a prank on someone? Yes.
75. Gone to a late night movie? Yes.
76. Made out to anything not human? No.
77. Failed a class? No.
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No.
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? No.
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? No.
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? Yes.
82. Thrown strange objects? Yes.
83. Felt like killing someone? Yes.
84. Felt like running away? Yes.
85. Ran away? Yes.
86. Did drugs? No.
87. Had detention and not attend it? No.
89. Made a parent cry? Yes.
90. Cried over someone? Yes.
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? Yes.
92. Dated someone more than once? Yes.
93. Had/Have a dog? Yes.
95. Own an instrument? Yes.
96. Been in a band? Yes.
97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No.
98. Broken a CD? Yes.
99. Shot a gun? Yes.
100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? Yes.

so break is fun, still. got into a huge fight with my dad/sister last night, and now i have to go to family counseling. that should be fun..

and i love chris bargren. :]

urm.

2006-01-03T05:45:49Z

happy anniversary to me and chris! 5 months, going strong, and incredibly in love.. it's so perfect. :]

i really don't have anything to update about. i know, i'm so boring. but i'd rather have a boring life than one that's filled with mass chaos and havoc. i'm enjoying everything right now, just like i should.

and chris is herrrreeee.. and it makes me happy.

we just saw some lady with a fat ass. haha. wow, exciting.

and we got papa john's and it made alyssa happy.

this laptop is burning my leg, so i'm gonna go. :]

happy new years!

2006-01-01T18:27:38Z

Happy 2006, everyone! I can already tell that this year is going to be the best. I thought 2005 was awesome, but here comes 2006! I hope everyone had fun and was safe last night. =)

i suck at life.

2005-12-30T03:02:58Z

i sucked at my new job tonight..

i'm pretty sure everyone there hates me.. except for mike. mike is funny and cool.

but i sucked and they were mad. so i'm going to go cry in my lonely corner right now, cause no one has called me all break to do something.. -sigh- i suck.

xanga.

2005-12-29T06:56:11Z

for more updates on life and stuff.. go HERE.

kbye<3.

so cool.

2005-12-27T18:57:49Z

alyssa is happy.. cause life rocks. :)

break is the most awesome thing invented.. & i love it. i've been doing absolutely nothing except a)sleeping, b) being lazy and c) hanging out with chris. those three things could keep me alive in this world.. well, probably not.. but the last one definately could. :)

i love my job, it's really sweet. the people are really cool & it's a really easy thing to do. and i work 4 days a week, for 3 hours.. that's some easy stuff. so it rocks. and i make money, which makes alyssa very happy.

& jeremy camp makes alyssa happy, too..

<33life.

Merry X-mas!

2005-12-25T03:45:49Z

Merry Christmas, everyone! :D I hope you all have fun tomorrow and take the time to spend it with your family..

I love you all.. I'm very blessed to have you guys. <3333.

mudponirush @ 2005-12-19T19:21:00

2005-12-20T02:21:46Z

i got a job. :) i think..

Stupid Chandler Mall.

2005-12-19T01:59:29Z

This weekend has been okay. There were a lot of things that I would love to pick out of the mass of chaos.. but, stuff happens. Can't do anything about it. *shrug*

Friday, I did nothing. I don't think. I really can't remember what I did.. whatever. Saturday I had the luxury of sleeping until 9:21, which was nice. I love Saturdays.. they make me extremely happy. I went to the mall with my sister and mom later in the afternoon, where life just kinda got sucky. We were walking along, being happy, whatever.. and all of a sudden, I saw him. Most of you probably know who I am talking about and are like, "Oh shit." Yeah.. I saw Shawn Gilroy.. and he saw me. And I blurted out, "Oh FUCK!" in front of him, my mom, and my sister.. and by-standers. (dear random note to the by-standers: I'm sorry for ruining your christmas shopping by using bad language. Please forgive me.) And it sucked. But he turned really red and kept walking. It was so awkward and horrible. Anyway.. that was that. Then later that night, I hung out with Justin, Chris, and Jake back over at Chandler Mall, (no Shawn's this time..) which was a lot of fun.

Went with Chris to his house afterwards, where we talked about a lot of important stuff.. it kinda sucked. No, it did suck.. but a lot of good will come out of it. (<3.) Today I woke up, went to church, etc. And I have been sitting on my butt pretty much all day.

I have a doctor's appointment either tomorrow or Tuesday.. my parents think I have an ulcer. Sucks. Yay for upcoming final week which is going to suck major ass. All I have to say, is that I love multiple choice & 25% chance of getting the answer right. A'ight, I'm out, Peeps. PEACE!

so this is love..

2005-12-16T05:05:44Z

As if you guys don't hear enough about Chris..

He's the most amazing guy I've ever met, in my life. Not joking around. He's the sweetest, most caring, most loveable guy on this planet, and he's all mine. It's incredible how much I feel for him. It's absolutely breath-taking to know that a guy actually cares and loves me, and acts like it. I would give up my life for him in an instant.. I love him so much. I swear, we're going to get engaged after high school.. and then we're going to share an apartment together. Then we're going to get married and live our dream life. I've never been more sure in my entire life.

There's not enough words in this world to describe how much I love him. *sighs deeply*

cry me a river, i know..

2005-12-10T05:30:57Z

i haven't been feeling so hot lately.. & chris and i got into a huge fight. and i have never cried this much as much as i have in these past 24 hours. it sucks.. and i feel like crap. my self-esteem is low, and i'm extremely self-concious right now. i just.. suck. and so does life.

Monday's a Blur.

2005-12-05T22:07:39Z

"OH YEAH!" A quote from Landon, during Symphonic Band. :) That kid cracks me up.. especially when I am in boring Symphonic Band. I'm convinced that Mr. Meyer's looks the weirdest when he is conducting. His face twists into this shape of disgust & passion at the same time. I guess you just have to see it yourself.

Today was actually a really good day. The first three hours of the day went by in a blur.. thank God. I knew that today would go by fast, & it did. Symphonic Band & Lunch were fun stuff. But unfortunately, I think I'm going to try & drop Symphonic Band.. simply because it's not enjoyable. I don't like Mr. Meyer's, I don't like the music we play, I don't like how we play the music.. it's just not fun, like it should be. So, I have a counseling appointment on Friday, to try & get some stuff moved around. And besides, being away from my friends at lunch is really hard. My friends mean the world to me, and not being around them at lunch, (our most social part of the day..) is really hard. I don't want to loose that. :( I would be devistated.

Chris is coming over soon, & tonight we are just going to hang out. It's gonna be fun stuff, since I missed him when I was over at California. (which sucked, by the way.) So yeah.. I guess I'll update later this week when something fun happens. :)

california..

2005-12-02T13:48:36Z

well, i leave for california today after school. i really don't want to go.. & it makes me sad to think that a) i'm missing my anniversary, (which is today.. no celebrating tonight or anything..) and b) i'm missing the electric light parade.. which is my favorite thing for all season. *sigh* this sucks. i don't even want to go.. and i once had the chance to stay here, & i was.. but then my parents just changed their mind, and now i "have no choice." :( i'm grumpy. but at least chris is the last person i get to see before i go. <333333. anyway.. send some love my way, & i'll see you guys on sunday night.

short-lived.

2005-11-29T05:19:40Z

for a monday, it wasn't that bad.

i cried before school started.. but that's beside the point that it was actually a good day. & of course chris was there for me when i did fall apart. um.. yeah. let's see how this week goes. :)

shit.

2005-11-27T11:17:33Z

I get frustrated when it's 4am, & I can't sleep..

Shoot me.

wow..

2005-11-21T02:44:08Z

maybe venting about everything will help to get it all out.

i suck at life right now. i'm falling behind in so many things, & it just sucks so bad. everything is killing me. i feel defeated & broken, and i don't know how to regain my strength. and of course, it's all about school. it always is. i have two c's.. from what i know.. i don't know what my other grades are, but i'm guessing that none of them are A's. cause i just suck like that. i'm trying so hard to get my C's up.. but it's eating me alive. everything that i do is just making me weaker & weaker. i guess you could say that i have "good" grades compared to some people, but to me, they blow. i NEED to get those C's up! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TELLING YOU, STUPID JOURNAL?! I NEED TO GET B'S!!!! ahh, i want to cry & shrivel up in a ball. i'm going to have an emotional break-down this week.. i know it. I KNOW IT. i'm so tense, and stressed, and FREAKING OUT. it's unbelievable.

as if i didn't have enough stress with school, band just sucks ass. auditions for 2nd semester band is this week, & i'm in the mind set right now that i don't give a flying crap about it.. & i know that's bad.. but as far as i know, no matter how much I WANT THIS, i'm not going to get it. i know that i'm not good enough to get into wind ensemble. i know it. laura, katie, alyson, miki & mel are all higher than me. and guess what? they accept 4 or 5. woops, i'm out of the question. CAUSE I SUCK. but that's okay. i hate band right now.. i don't even want to think about it. so i decided that i am going to go into the counselor's & i'm just going to get my schedule changed from band to something else for next semester. i need my computer credit, so if the school loves me, (which i doubt,) then i will find one for 4th hour. if not.. well, fuck that. i am going to have the same hour of lunch as my friends & boyfriend. no matter what stupid, bloody, fucking class i have to take. UGH, I'M PISSED.

so yeah.. i'm stressing. but typing all of this is helping me. i still know that i am going to break down one of these days, & i'm not going to be able to get up.

oh, & it also sucks.. cause chris works tonight, tomorrow, wednesday, thursday (& he doesn't know about friday or saturday, but he has to work on monday.) THAT SUCKS. he is my ONE relief through all of this shit, & i hardly get to see him.. aside from school. but when i am at school, i am stressing out. so i just blow off the time that we spent together there, because i am ALWAYS FREAKING OUT. i just suck.

i seriously think i need to go talk to a therapist, or a freaking shrink, cause i feel like i am going insane. it's great, IT'S AWESOME, LIFE JUST FUCKING ROCKS.

kill me NOW.

happy ever after..

2005-11-17T14:09:06Z

i love him more than words could possibly describe..

end of story.

first day of my life.

2005-11-15T18:13:27Z

well, i'm home sick today. which sucks.. but i'm glad that i am staying home. i can catch up on sleep & stuff i need to do around the house, & for school. i already got 11 hours of sleep, cleaned my room & bathroom, and now i am going to start working on my homework that was due today, which i didn't do last night. then i'm gonna work on my audition sheet for wind ensemble, & get that done & comfortable. i really, really, really want to get into wind ensemble this year. & i know that if it doesn't happen, i'm going to cry. & i'll look like a big baby. but it's something i've wanted to be in since my freshman year, and it hasn't happened yet. so.. pray for me. i'm going to work on it a lot this week.

anyway, life is boring for the most part, minus the stress. thanksgiving is next week, though.. i get 4 days off, & then 5 weeks after that, is christmas break! oh!! and for my birthday, (which is on january 16, for all of you who didn't know.) my family & i might go to disneyland for 5 days and i might be able to bring christopher bargren! OMGTOOEXCITEDFORWORDS. :D

YAY.

hell yes!!

2005-11-12T23:25:44Z

HELL YES!!!!! We got Superior With Distinction at state!!! we have worked soooo hard this year to get our reputation back, and we DID IT. We got 4 out of 5 captions, and our total score was 92.4!!!!! i'm so excited!!!

17th.

2005-11-09T13:45:45Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS!! I LOVE YOU, BABY! <33333.